Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Calling all Jugheads! Word Week-Designer Paper



I'm trying to decide if making only two cards a week is the sign of a careful, thoughtful and deliberate artiste or just simply pitiful.

Not sure I want to answer that one.

Not sure I want YOU to answer that one either, people! 

I mean, I know you're a helpful bunch and all but there are times when you're a little too anxious to help. Know what I mean? Besides, I already have a mother and several other female family members who excel in doing that job already. And they're doing a bang-up job, if they say so themselves. 

SO...with that out of the way, we shall move on to the actual reason for this post and that is to enter the Just Us Girls Challenge #508 Designer Paper.

I used this god-awful white, embossed, one-step up from toilet paper crap (pun intended) on the front and back layer of the card. The ONLY reason it's there is because I'd come to far on the designer paper cake before I realized what happy-crappy stuff I was dealing with. What wasn't used here ended up in the trash can.

I used brushed gold DP, along with pearl trim and porcelain flowers to accent the cake. I though I was clever to use DP for the little green leaves for the flowers but since they're practically microscopic, I was the ijit. 

Look,,,the card looks fine. But I can promise you it'll be the ONLY one of its kind. Satan and his minions will be playing ice hockey before I attempt anything using this paper. It's awfully pretty...but reverse those two words and you've got what it's like to work with. HAH!

Thanks to Just Us Girls Challenge! Stop by and check them out!!!

Sunday, October 6, 2019

MAMA CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DON'T YOU DARE LOOK!!!

I'm so happy that the Card Concept 120 Cozy Cottage challenge dropped into my inbox right now!! It happens to be my mother's birthday (blog post about mamacita below) and she loves flowers. I, personally, happen to love blue and yellow, but especially sunflowers and delft patterns!! So, it was like total Kismet, baby...Kismet! 

I LOVED all the cards, but drew inspiration from Angel Rivera's Delft look and Betty Wright's Sunflowers. But I'm also a mixed media girl like Tangii Crain and Julie Gearinger???...but doesn't this smack of C&S just a bit like Susan Powel? It could sorta fit in the Classy and Elegant category Marcie Sharp, Mackie Robertson, and Nancy Penir, right? Granted, Classy and Layered like Michele Henderson and Maureen Plut might be a stretch, but after a glass or four of wine...OH *&^%^^ I DON"T KNOW! Let's just say everyone at The Card Concept influenced me in some way, shape or form. And that's the truth, my friends. 

This sunflower is made with McGill punches and they are so challenging that I've only made 3 in my lifetime. Mostly because to really make them beautiful I use Stampin' Up paper and it's 85lb paper. Difficult to punch and shape. But worth it!

Using thin manicure tape, I taped a grid, stamped using a background stamp and then carefully shaded the blocks to emulate the delft pattern before removing the tape. I stamped Happy Birthday on acetate. I thought about velum and ribbons, etc. but just didn't want to take away from the flower. I put a pearl on the inside of the stamen but covered most of it up. I just wanted a tiny hint to show.

Thanks to the Card Concept and Designers! 




Ingredients:

**There are tutorials on pinterest and youtube on making these sunflowers. I have the actual McGill sheet and will be happy to email you the file if you like! Just email me at salome000@aol.com

McGill Paper Blossoms Punches: 
• 12 sets of shapes (only lg and next to lg) from Star Lily MCG64511 in SU! Daffodil Delight
• 1 shape from Lg. Highland Snowflake MCG64535 in SU! Old Olive
• 3 shapes from Sun MCG64533 in Brown and Black
• 4 shapes from Birch Leaf MCG64502 in SU! Old Olive
Penny Black Stamp-I can't find the name anywhere...sorry!
SU! Marina Mist
Vintage Photo Distress Ink
Black Staz-On
Acetate


October 2nd is my mother's birthday. It's a day of celebration for everyone. It better be. 

My mom is STILL, at 7___, a beauty. Always has been, always will be.


1963



2019

My mother is classy, quiet, innocent, slim and stylish.

I, on the other hand, am none of these things, which further confirms my childhood suspicions that I was adopted.


But I DO think we've been good for each other. She has been a tremendous influence and help to me. She has always been my rock. I could not have asked for a better mother. I love her with every bit of my being. And no matter what, I know that whatever happens in my life, I can reach out and she'll be there.

Probably holding bail money.

(And for the LAST time...I swear, Ma...I did NOT cut the bathroom window sill with a knife back in 1978! That was the one-and, likely, only-thing of which I remain completely innocent! Besides, my irreproachable and seraphic brother must have a sin (or two) to call his own, or Jesus might be a tad miffed. I'm just sayin'...)

Love you, Mama!!

xoxo







Tuesday, September 17, 2019

A CARD??? Yep! For JUGS.


I want to begin by saying that I'm submitting this, the first card I've made since 2017, to Just Us Girls Challenge #505 Stacking Die Cuts.

Like you, I am SHOCKED I made a card! But I love my die cuts and decided why not? But can I tell you I didn't think I'd EVER get through this card. Apparently, I forgot how to: shape flowers, which side of the die cut is the "right" side, the actual size of the card (4.25 x 5.5 and yes...I had to google it, to my immense shame) and how glue dots truly, truly hate me. 

Whomever invented those things should face the horrors of imprisonment and torture. 

Or the wrath of the House Democrats. 

Either one.

Ingredients:

Poppystamps Small Blooming Poinsettias
Spellbinders Nestabilities Decorative Labels 8
Impression Obsession Mistletoe and Bells
Dimensional Tape
Tacky Glue
Stickles
Glue Dots of Evil





Friday, August 30, 2019

Of (Drag) Queens, Charity and Millennials. WARNING: Spicy Post Ahead



A warning, Gentle Readers. I was particularly manic during the creation of the following post. It may be a bit on the racy side for many of you. I thought about not publishing it. A first, for me. But then, I had this romantic notion (read: delusional moment) where I thought you may actually like this part of my personality that no one has been able to medicate into obedience. If not, oh well...it sounded good to me.


To start with...No. It's not time for the Pride Parade. Although, I have to say it would interesting to do a mixed media project on those Queens!

But, let's face it...there aren't enough sequins and feathers in existence to get me through project like that.

What I am talking about is the beginning of my mixed media Parade of Queens. First, I give you 
HRM Queen Victoria.

I chose her first because during the Blitz in WWII, London was destroyed almost beyond recognition. Buckingham Palace was also hit and badly damaged. As soon as it was over, Queen Victoria headed out to the streets, talking to and encouraging people. She said she was "glad Buckingham Palace was hit so they all could share the burden."




All this consists of is a resin covered image and Swarovski crystals, along with broken bits of vintage, costume jewelry. The frame is a cheapie from Michaels or Hobby Lobby. I used a bit of solder and sterling wire, along with my trusty friend "E6000" and Tally Ho!

And yes...I cringed a bit when I typed "Ho". Good LORD...the Millennials with their militant PC, and Safe Spaces are killing me.

PAM: (pre-Adderall Moment. As a refresher, this means I'm writing before the Adderall kicks in and keeps me focused. It's also a warning that I'm either going down a rabbit hole or saying something that just might get me reprimanded. Or both.)

Millennials. They drive me insane. I was in radio for 25 years. I hosted a great number of benefits during those years to raise money for community based charities. I always performed comedy bits as emcee', as well. 

One benefit featured an evening with "celebrities"; those being drag queen performers. The very first one I hosted, I was backstage and was actually shown what happens UNDER the dress. Suffice it to say I had NO IDEA you could put...um...things...there...with TAPE

I admit...I was really impressed. So, my comedy featured several bits about...well...bits...and another about gay men, in general. I won't go into the actual bit about drag queens. I'm afraid I've already violated a few rules here and I feel guaranteed that a call from my mother is in order, as it is. But with gay men, I ended with the line "I LOVE gay men! I think every woman should own two."

This was very funny. Up until 2010, or so. 

The last time I did this bit, I was accosted by a host of Millennials who said my humor regarding drag queens was "belittling" and that I was endorsing slavery with my (fabulously funny) part about owning gay men. 

Now, I couldn't swear to it, but I might have replied something along the lines of too bad it was their humor they tucked up their a** and not...well...I'd probably better stop here. 

But remember...this PAM is NOT MY FAULT. The fault lies with the little Snowflakes who have nothing better to do that earn their PhD's in basket weaving and circle sharing. 

Oh boy. I haven't even hit the post button yet and I'm already so far off base I should probably chuck this entire entry. But that would be a LOT of wasted writing. Besides, I've already driven right over the cliff...no point in letting off the gas now.

The second piece in my Queen series is good ol' Marie. And I don't care what ANYONE says...there was a gay man in HER wardrobe retinue somewhere!




This was also created in the same manner as HRM Victoria. 

And as questionable as my content might have been, there was actually a good reason behind my making these!!!

You see, I don't sell my art. I donate it for silent or quarter auctions or any other charity fundraiser if I'm asked. 

OR I foist it on hapless friends and relatives. 

At any rate, I decided to make these creations a little more "official" looking. So, I actually ordered a couple of stamps with a name and logo. Aw...yeah. Someone is a pro-fessional now!


On the inside is my little mantra. Most everything I make uses pieces of broken things. Mostly jewelry, but I've been known to use glass or wings of large (dead) insects. When I can get the boys to pull them off for me. 


(more on these suckers later)

And then, the vision:


You never knew this side of me, did you? Oh great. Now I'm totally embarrassed. 

I've GOT to end this post now or you and I will never get out alive. But before I go, I'll tell you this. I never create the title until the end of a post. I deserve some kind of &*&%^  Nobel Prize for this one.


Ingredients:


Bezels and a crap-ton of Ice Resin (Hint: Buy the big freaking bottles. Trust.) 

Photos: Hijacked from Google. Probably copyright protected. Which is why I give this stuff away.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Multitasking...Christmas Ornaments/Instruments of Death



I promise to not promise to be back.

At the rate I'm going, we may be looking at the new norm of one post every year-and-a-half. Or, I may simply show up in your inbox twice a day for a year-and-a-half.

It pretty much depends on how much attention I'm seeking and if I sit down to write at the exact time my morning and lunchtime meds are working in tandem. In short, IF I catch the morning meds just as they begin their descent THEN quickly take the lunchtime dose,  AND I'm in the craft room AND I open up the blog and commit to an entry which won't embarrass me (in the writing or the finished product) then, as they say, "game on b**ches"

Hey...don't judge me. I'M not the one who made the saying up. I'm just sharing it (with a very conservative amount of stars, if I say so myself) because I believe it an adequate expression of what happens when my meds, OCD, attention-seeking behavior and ability to finish something comes together and I'm able to pull a blog post with a couple of photos out of my a**.

Ouch. You people have me in full manic mode today. God help us all.

Sadly enough, I've been uninspired these past 18 months. Engaging in litigation with large corporations and government bureaucracy, such as I have, would leave much lesser people crippled with anxiety and seeing their own life span reduce itself by the hour, while trying to hold on to whatever sanity (and close relations who've heard the story, incessantly, and either changed cell phone numbers or moved in the dead of night to begin a new life under assumed names and with the full protection of shady government agencies and Liam Neeson) that they have left.

Me? Hell. I just slept through most of it.

But now that it's behind me, I'm feeling at a loss for what to do with myself. All of those hours spent with attorneys, government employees and other minions of Satan, are now empty.

Who'd have ever thought one could miss the pervasive and constant smell of brimstone?

Anyway, here I am once again with all of you. At least, those of you who weren't purchased through Fiverr to boost my blog subscription numbers in an attempt to make the 5 actual subscribers think they were part of a hip and popular blog. Of which NOW, after I've gone down several rabbit holes, I find I have NO idea what in the devil I was going to blog about!

OH! Crap. That's right. Christmas and Death. Got it! Let's go...

These are called “Cheeky Snowballs” and were created by Nichola Battilana at Pixie Hill. Here’s her YouTube video tutorial.






The tutorial made it look easy and, truth be told, I felt I was on a ROLL! Granted, I found the noses and mouths challenging, but when the clay dried, I daresay I was pleased. Then I was ready for the glitter.

It took a bit to find my Tim Holtz Stickles glitter. Funny how it keeps making its way around my craft room. I'm sure this mysterious movement owes itself to lingering, powerful effects of my recent Spring Solstice gathering and not to any human intervention. Namely, the husband and kids.

PAM (Pre-Adderall Moment) If you're a newbie to the blog, allow me to explain. I have 3 boys; 4 if you count the husband. Even the dog is male. I use so much glitter, it circulates through the house. I've caught it sneering at the high-end air filters we install. This glitter tends to attach itself only to the Y Chromosomes. Apparently, this is a problem for male teens. Because of this, I tend to "lose" a lot of glitter. Fortunately, I keep a stash in the magazine rack under my Better Homes and Garden magazines. I USED to keep it under my Cosmopolitan mags, but the boys (along with the spousal unit, I'm sure) kept rifling through them to look for dirty pictures. At least I HOPE they were. If they were taking the quizzes, then glitter theft is the least of my worries. Sorry...back to regularly scheduled programming.

SO...I finally found the glitter and set it on my desk. Next morning, I grabbed glue, my paintbrush and went to work putting glue on half the ornament. I dropped the brush and looked for the glitter and it was GONE. Panicking, I looked quickly over, behind and around the desk. Nothing. I delved into my glitter stash and I saw a beautiful clear sparkling glitter. Fortunately, I was able to glitter the ornament before it dried. And it was GORGEOUS!!!



I quickly did the others. I didn't want to wait for them to dry, so I started again with the first and glittered the other half. I was truly thrilled.

Leaving them to dry, I brushed the excess glitter off my hands. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pinch and looked down. There was a spot of blood on my hands! And that, my friends, is where I realized that THIS was the glitter I'd used. 




I think you can see my dilemma. The snowmen look gorgeous with this glitter! But I'm hesitant to give one as a gift to a friend or family member and have them inadvertently slice off a limb or puncture a carotid artery. 

I hate to say that this was my first and (at the behest of local Law Enforcement due to possible weapon’s violations) my last attempt at creating these cuties. 

But I HIGHLY recommend the tutorial and the glitter. 

Just not together, perhaps.


Ingredients:

(This doesn't shrink and crack as much as Paper Clay, I've found. Easier to mold.)


3" Styrofoam Balls

Acrylic Paint









Saturday, December 23, 2017

The Angel On My Shoulder...



...is apparently even more fashionably challenged than I am.

And yes...that statement includes that ill-fated year of 1984, when I wore lace that covered one eye, and had that mishap with a garter that left me with a mark I would lie about for the rest of my life. 

Okay, Okay. So maybe she's NOT as badly dressed as I thought she was, originally. I can't compare her to that time in my life when I thought it appropriate to pay homage to Madonna and A Flock of Seagulls...at the same time.

In fact, with that very Catholic looking lace veil, and the torn laces and ribbon, she....

Sigh.

She looks like she's paying homage to Madonna and A Flock of Seagulls. 

But at least the BELL is a new addition, people!


Let's move on. Because the LAST thing we all need is for any 80's song to get stuck in our heads. Like "Danger Zone" or the dreaded "Everything I Do" (or ANY Bryan Adams song, for that matter. I hope you all remember that it was this whiny Canadian that opened the door for the Justin Bieber's we have today. I hope you're happy with yourselves.)

This project was the result of my taking Deryn Mentock's "Angels on High"
class. She has a plethora of classes (including the Bezels class I've been BEGGING her to open!!) at her Something Sublime website.

I won't go into detail regarding how they're made, but a beginner will have no trouble with this class! And while you have a choice as to what kind of face your angel will have (or whether it will be Christmas, Halloween or any holiday in between) I chose to use these little porcelain doll heads (not expensive on etsy...ranges from 8-20 dollars.) because I want to give these as special heirloom gifts to my doll collector friends. 


   
      

As a side note, you see that 36/0 incised in her head? It's an unidentified Antique German Mark. I believe the number 36 is the mold number. Not sure what the 0 is for. If I've screwed any of this up, please correct me!!


Since the top of her head was missing, I gave her a little Boa action, stuck right inside. My having immediate access to something like a boa shouldn't be surprising...the Queen of Fashion Tragedy always has boas and sequins ready to go...not to mention lace. But NO garter elastic anywhere. I'm seriously PTSD when it comes to that. I go into histrionics at the sight of them, which makes me the worst wedding date ever. 


I jazzed up the back, mostly to conceal the fact I can't sew worth a darn (pun unintentional, but necessary. I can't cuss in the house anymore. That story coming soon enough) and I didn't like how the back of the wings looked, so I went to my trusty Stickles. My worst nightmare is Ranger deciding to do away with the Stickles line. Makes my garter scar hurt just to think about it.

Please check out Deryn's page. I've taken 3 classes...the salt shaker snowmen the Boho Bliss (will put my things that I made in an upcoming post!) and this one. You will NOT be disappointed. And ANY BEGINNER can take these classes! Just expect to practice (esp. Boho Bliss) in order to produce beautiful things.

It's good to be back, friends. A post on my absence is coming soon.

I hope both of my subscribers are looking forward to it! 


Monday, April 3, 2017

Ahhhh...Springtime. With Blissful ATC Swap


(Chipboard, Graphic 45with bird, some grass and clover  mounted with mounting tape 
for effect, Tim Holtz, Dresden frame covered in white Gilder's Paste
and rubbed to highlight a little of the gold.)

I was visiting a friend the other day, when she paused during our conversation, and gazed out the window with a rapturous look on her face.

"Look!" she said, in a excited whisper.

I did. And I understood exactly how she felt.

The birdfeeder was simply crawling with birds! A movement to my right almost caused me to laugh aloud. "Oh! I can't believe it! Here comes a squirrel!" 

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, then smiled. "It's okay for now, there's enough for everyone."

"Well," I said, "Maybe not enough for everyone, but a good start."

We grinned at each other. "I'll get phone and get pictures!"

"Great idea!" I said, "You do that, and I'll get the shot pellets and gun."

Shortly after, I was sitting in my car and wondering how birds had become so darned overrated.

(Inside of ATC sized paper mache' house covered with tissue paper and acrylic. Live twigs, mini birds, greenery and clay birds. Brass finding on top with clock. Moss adhered with tacky glue. Tim Holtz findings.)

Back in the day, we used to hunt those suckers and suck the marrow out of the tasty little bones.

Well, ok. Not songbirds. But squirrels, definitely. 

FINE. Fine. So my grandpa hunted squirrels. But I STILL had to eat squirrel and dumplins on occasion. 

Geez. You people are a pain. Ok, I ate it once. After they told me it was dark meat chicken and dumplins. Had I KNOWN I would be eating a member of the rodent family, I certainly wouldn't have come NEAR it, much less eat the nasty stuff.

Wow. That was a heck of a rant, wasn't it?

The point I was trying to get to (before you ill-mannered people managed to access my brain and gave me the power to foresee your disturbing need for ACCURACY-whatever happened to literary license, people??) was why in the world would anyone want birds and inevitably, squirrels, hanging out 24/7 at your home? You are, in essence, training them to hang out until meal times and show their gratitude by pooping on everything from your car, to your deck and even your kids!!

PAM (pre-adderall moment) I want to say that I would give anything to have my kids get poop-bombed by birds. That would be hilarious! Oh, the fabulous Facebook photos I would have! Not to mention that I would finally have material to justify the purchase of those Christmas picture cards to send to everyone! With cute captions like, after catching a kid slipping and falling on the bird poop slicked grass, the picture would read "I'm POOPED". Or how about a picture of all three covered in bird droppings and having a caption that reads "The POOP Posse!" How about a close up of the birds and the kids having a birthday party in the back and calling it "The Party POOPERS" Oh HAHAHAHAHAHA The possibilities are endless. The only thing keeping me from putting this incredible idea into motion is the fact those little poop-heads would refuse to leave the house and I'll be stuck with them for the rest of their lives. Is that worth a day, or three, of parental payback perfection??? 

Sigh. I know. I'm torn about it, too.

(END OF PAM)



But look...I'm not here to try to change anyone's mind. I mean, how could I? You people are crazy enough to WANT the little sh*t machines to hang out at your house 24/7! You even buy them food to keep the poop coming on a regular basis! I don't even know how to TALK to that kind of crazy! All I have to say is this: when you tire of the mess, you know who to call. 

And I'll even supply the shot.

Needless to say, I was on a clay binge for Blissful ATC swap's "Bird Brain" theme for March. I found so many little tutorials on youtube, that I drug my Sculpey out and went to town! What you see is one try on each before I baked them. That's how easy it was! Throw in so live twigs and some good texture and you've got a really good start on some bird themed ATC's!