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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

What to do when your Flower Soft just isn't THAT into you!


I used to blame myself when my Flower Soft began to act inappropriately around me. It constantly called to me...saying naughty things, at first, then trying to lure me back into the dysfunctional relationship we had over the past year.

It wasn't overt at first, but then I heard it speaking in that calm and contrite way it always used to cozen me after our big blow-ups. Nothing earth-shattering...just things like "let's try again...just you and me. It'll work this time! I feel it! I KNOW I've hurt you...no, betrayed you....in the past. I gave you hope and happiness, only to flake away, piece by....(wtf ever it is I'm made of)....piece. I strayed all the time...I couldn't just be with you. Maybe it was the electricity in the air between me and everything else in your craft room, but I could see the pain on your face when you found me in the intimate places I practiced my debauchery. The computer keyboard, printer ink, A/C vents and all the rest. I knew the morning you found me lurking around your new eBosser, that we were through."

Of course, like any guilty party in a relationship that has imploded, it would work little jabs in here and there, hoping to make me doubt my own innocence in the break-up.

"I knew how special the eBosser was to you. You wanted it long before I ever came into the picture. I could see how you loved it...you loved it in a way your could never love anything else...even me."

Naturally, I felt a little guilty. The Flower Soft WAS right....I DID love that eBosser! But it wasn't like that! The eBosser was a medical necessity! I have severe carpal tunnel in both hands! I needed that help, dammit! WAIT just a second....I'm innocent! How DARE it make me feel guilty??

"No, baby!" my Flower Soft was quick to back-off. "I didn't mean you were to blame! It was me! The truth?? You want the truth??? OF COURSE I wanted...more than ANYTHING...to work my way up into the trusting, mechanical heart of that (language edit) eBosser and force it to grind to a halt...NEVER to work again! I was jealous!!! I couldn't BEAR to see you so devoted to something besides me! Especially this Johnny Come Lately, who stays by your side, while I'm stuck in a Stamp-n-Storage 6 drawer unit (which is nice, don't get me wrong!) but I'm in the dark...away from you!!! So, yes! I tried to void that warranty on that (another language edit) eBosser by burning the motor out!! That's what I wanted!!!"

Blah, blah, blah....more apologies and remorse. But I stood firm.

For this piece, I admit to calling the Flower Soft and agreeing to see it one more time. I mean, we can still be friends, right? RIGHT???

I have to say that, while it did treat me horribly and scarred me for life over the past year by ruining project after project, it sure did work perfectly on this tag! I've never had it look or behave so beautifully! And hardly any blew off to terrorize my electronics!!!

What??? NO...HAHAHA...ABSOLUTELY NOT! We are NOT getting back together. At ALL. We are JUST friends!!!! I swear!!!!

But I can't help but wonder if we might could try again...in the future, of course. Just maybe...but friends first. Just friends.

POST ADD MOMENT-I know I'm in for a good stretch when the old amphetamines are working so well that I can actually script an entire monologue about a failed relationship with Flower Soft. Folks, I don't know if it's genius or insanity, but at least the focus time was impressive, don't cha' think???

This is for SCS Teapot Tuesday! We've inherited our 'mansion' and are fixing it up. No mansion is complete without a mossy fountain and tangle of flowers, is it????

Recipe:

Stamp: Kaisercraft The Lake House
Tim Holtz Manilla Tags
Paper: Graphic 45 Botanical Tea "Birds of A Feather"
Black, Grey and Brown Copics
Vintage Photo Distress Ink
Memory Box Flower Die
Impression Obsession Flower Die
Black Burlap Ribbon
Mounting Tape
Silver Brad and Cross
and featuring...
the lying, cheating, cold dead beating, two-time, double-dealing, mean, mistreating...
Leaf Green Flower Soft


6 comments:

  1. That does it! You are my long lost sister, my mother doesn't remember having (she's old and her memory isn't the best, no matter what she thinks). I also have been known to have long conversations with supposedly inanimate objects. Sadly. I've had a few in grocery stores, I know those small carts hit me in the shins intentionally, and it's not my fault people's kids haven't heard those words before!
    Anyway.. So THIS is the stamp that the Goddess HAD TO HAVE. Just effing fantastic! I love your tag, and I truly appreciate the Flower Soft warning. I have a working eBosser, and I also have a little problem with spillage, so no FS for me.
    Will email soon, actually thought I did, but that was only in my head!

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  2. Hysterical post!! LMAO. Oh yes, that tag is gorgeous too! Oh my still giggling over the lying, cheating FS. Will keep that in mind, although I have never succumbed to it's siren song. I just KNEW what would happen, looks like I would have been right. I had just the same sort of conversation with my detail scissors when Mr. Cuttlebug came to live in the studio. We've since made up...although I was suspicious when the first Mr. Cuttle blew up...but my Cutter Bee's swore they had nothing to do with it....
    R/

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  3. I think you should be happy that your flowersoft just isn't that into you...afterall, look what it tried to do to your ebosser! Loved the post and Shona is right you do sound like you could be our long lost sister.

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    1. Hot DAMN!!! Does this mean I can have dual citizenship???? I'm totally stoked about coming to Nova Scotia!!! Wait...did I spell that right? Btw...can I bring my craft supplies across the border? Since I have more stuff than most armies, I might need to start some paperwork. :J Sorry...all I got...still sick and in pain from dental surgery. GAK! But I'm glad to join the fam and I'm also glad we number three...there's SO much more trouble that three of us can get into MUCH more easily than just two.... hahaha

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  4. Amen to the other comments. You are fantastic!!!

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  5. Becky, YOU are so talented! How in the world can you have such bad taste in art??? ;) TY for the compliment...means the world...I hope you know that!!! How did you do in the Accucut contest????

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